Eulogy for Jennifer

Below is the eulogy for Jennifer given at her service on Saturday, June 25, 2011 at Garber United Methodist Church in New Bern, NC.

My goal is to keep this fairly light, so I decided to invoke David Letterman and his Top Ten List. Here goes…….

The top ten things we’ll remember most about Jennifer………………

#10 Her many friends—Jennifer was a friend magnet. People were just drawn to her. She has more friends than anyone else I know, and I’m not talking about acquaintances, I mean the real kind—those who stick around not just in good times but in bad as well. Her friends were so important to her that we wanted to be able to include them in the service. So, this top ten list was complied with the help of a few of her friends—thanks Dana, Lorrie, Michele, Susan, Linda, Sarah, and John.

# 9 We’ll remember Jen by the things she loved to do—Jennifer loved to go to the beach, she loved sailing, and anything to do with water (I wonder where she got that from); she liked to travel; she liked to read—she always had a book or magazine to share. She liked to go to movies and concerts (especially Kid Rock). She enjoyed following the Dallas Cowboys and Wake Forest, and she loved going out with her friends for cocktails and dinner and just hanging out with her friends and her family.

# 8 We’ll remember Jen for her style—personal and home décor. She definitely had a flare for style but in the most unpretentious way. Her two favorite places to shop were Target and TJ Maxx—but you’d never know—except that she constantly told you about it. She always looked put together and beautiful. I always looked forward to the hand-me downs. And whenever I needed a nice dress for an event, she was my personal shopping assistant. I will be lost without her. Anyone who has visited her home in Raleigh could appreciate her sense of taste, and she was always doing something new and would frequently show off her latest and greatest and would boast that her Dad or her brother Mark had painted this or installed that.

# 7 Jen will be remembered for her organizational skills—every time you visited her house, you left feeling like you needed to go home and clean out your closets. She had a basket for everything, and everything was in its place (I wish her brother shared that trait). She also was quite the planner (Doug, I wonder who she got that from)—whenever she and her friends would go on a trip, even if it was just to Carolina Beach, she’d have it all planned out, and I mean with a syllabus of things they would do.

# 6 Her “curiosity”—and I’m being a bit euphemistic here—she loved to know what people were up to, whether it was a celebrity, a friend, a neighbor, or even a stranger. She just really enjoyed having the scoop on folks; but not in a spiteful way—it was always light and fun. She’d call you up just to tell you some thing that so and so was doing, and you’d hang up the phone, shake your head, and laugh. That was one of her gifts—Jennifer made us laugh!

# 5 Sassy and witty and vibrant and random—how many times did those of us who knew her, just shake our heads and laugh at the things that would come out of her mouth. I absolutely LOVED this about her. She made us all laugh! While I never saw her wallow in self pity, she would pull out the “cancer card” if she wanted something—even if it was to have someone bring her a drink (beer) in the pool. The “cancer card,” as she called it, was often, but not always, reserved for fun.

# 4 Jennifer was brave and strong and determined—with regard to brave and strong, I don’t mean this is the traditional sense because bravery and strength come in different flavors; hers was of the inner strength variety. When she was first diagnosed with breast cancer, she was always upbeat and positive through all her surgeries and treatments. When she was diagnosed the second time, which was a huge blow—and a day we will never forget—she was understandably very upset but she rallied quickly, got herself together, put on a strong face, and continued to look for the positive (a wonderful characteristic she definitely gets from Peggy). Jennifer was an example of grace under pressure. With regard to determination (or maybe stubbornness)—when Jennifer set her mind to something, she didn’t waiver. Whether it was getting into shape, planning a trip, or even with her cancer treatments, she forged ahead, full speed with admirable positive determination. If you know Peggy and Doug, you know she came by this trait honestly.

# 3 Jennifer was selfless—even though Jennifer was suffering from a horrible disease, she put others first, whether it was fellow cancer survivors or her friends and family. Terry, her counselor at Rex--who Jennifer adored--told us that even when Jennifer felt bad, she would still come to the cancer support group and was inspiring to and supportive of all her new friends. Terry said that the staff and patients at Rex fell in love with Jennifer, and, you know what—Jennifer loved them right back. Dr. Crane and Cindy, and all the nurses were so wonderful to Jennifer. Our family will never be able to thank them enough for the care, kindness, love, and support they provided over the years! Terry also told us that even though Jennifer was worried about the pain and suffering she would endure, she was even more worried about her family and friends seeing her suffer and the pain it would cause us. Jennifer really tried to put the rest of us at ease, and it usually took someone else’s prompting to get her to go to the hospital or agree to move back with her parents, or to call in hospice to help manage her pain. She did not want to be a burden or to give up. What’s funny is that when she really needed to play that “cancer card” the most, she just didn’t do it.

# 2 In addition to being one hell of a sister-in-law, Jennifer will be remembered for being a true friend, an “awesome” aunt, an irreplaceable sister, and a beloved and loving daughter.
· True friend—Jennifer was a wonderful and loyal friend, and I know you will never forget her. I suspect you all know this, but she LOVED you all very much—and you all meant so much to her.
· Jennifer was an “awesome aunt”—and she knew it too. Aunt Jen was so good to Chris and Kemper—spoiled them rotten! And they loved her unconditionally. On Monday, Doug suggested that I take the kids home because he thought it was too much for them to see Jennifer suffering. And you know what, my two teenage boys, who normally would be hanging out with friends and having fun on their summer break at home, wouldn’t budge—they absolutely refused to leave their Aunt Jen.
· Irreplaceable sister—Mark and Jen were very close. They talked just about every day, sometimes multiple times a day. They did lots of things together like watching movies, the Dallas Cowboys, Wake Forest. They were inseparable.
· Beloved and loving daughter—Doug and Peggy, I have known you over 20 years, and I know how much you loved Jennifer and how much she loved you back. It is notable that to Jennifer, her family always came first, and it was you who instilled that value in her. You done good! Real Good!

And the # 1 thing we’ll remember most about Jennifer are the things she taught us:
· About courage
· About dignity
· About grace
· About perspective
· About having a positive outlook and not taking life too seriously
· About what’s important and what isn’t…

Jennifer, while cancer ravaged your body and took you from us prematurely, it couldn’t touch your spirit, which is still with us and always will be.

As Kemper (her 13 year old nephew) wrote in his post on Jennifer’s Facebook page on Tuesday:

“Cancer is a bitch, and everyone is sad to see you go, especially your close friends and family. We will never, ever forget you……May you rest in peace.”